Image via Flickr by Ctd 2005
The big truths are the ones you keep relearning over and over again. At least that's how it is for me. I learn something, and then forget it, and then get reminded, and then forget again. This week, I got a fantastic reminder that one of the the absolute, hands-down, most effective ways to get what you want is to make room for it.
The first time I remember learning this lesson was in 2006. I'd been single for the longest I'd ever been single, because a few years earlier, I decided I was done dating guys who didn't have the things I wanted in a long term partner. I took a piece of paper and wrote down the things I no longer wanted from that part of my life, all the mistakes I'd made in past relationships, sealed it in an envelope, and threw it into a roaring fire. It was scary, because I wasn't sure anyone DID have what I wanted. I'd certainly never met someone who did. Choosing not to date guys I would normally have gone out with felt like exercising a new muscle. It felt a little wrong, the way new things feel. And then I learned it was exactly the right thing to do, because that was the year I met the man who would become my husband.
I learned the lesson again just last year. I'd been working full time day jobs since arriving in LA. Then, during the economic crash, either my husband or I got laid off from our jobs four years in a row. It was brutal. After my second layoff in two years, I decided I was done. If my "security" jobs weren't secure after all, then it was time to see if I could make it as a full-time artist. I got rid of everything that reminded me of my old day jobs. Desk toys and t-shirts and documents -- all of it. It was TERRIFYING. And as it turns out, I worked more, was more creatively fulfilled, and made more money as an actor in 2014 than I have in almost a decade.
As 2015 approached, I was thinking about style. I had a headshot session coming up, was tired of wearing the same outfits to auditions, and had become aware of a) the number of yoga pants in my wardrobe, and b) how unenthused I was about my non-yoga-pants options. So I finally, finally, FINALLY called my friend Caroline, an actor and wardrobe stylist whom I'd been meaning to call for months, to set a date to whip my wardrobe into shape.
Just making the appointment motivated me to get rid of all the stuff I'd known for a long time needed to go. Then Caroline came to my house and went through the rest with me, piece by piece, sorting out not only what flattered me and what didn't, but which pieces I was holding on to out of the same fear and stagnation that led me to hold on to the boyfriends and jobs that were keeping me from getting what I wanted.
It was like borrowing a brand new, super supportive and fashion-savvy pair of eyes. Getting rid of the clothes that weren't serving me has made me see my closet in a whole new way. I feel physically lighter. I feel stylish and sexy. I'm excited to get dressed every morning (in something other than yoga pants.) And that's without buying a single new item of clothing. (I also have a list of what I should buy, eventually, to make my wardrobe ever more stylish and sexy.)
So as 2015 gets rolling, think about where you can get rid of the old to make space for the new. It might be physical stuff, like clothes, or it might be intangible stuff, like a bad habit or way of thinking that is holding you back. Create a ritual to help you let it go. Tell your closest friends what you're doing, and ask for their support. When the fear comes, trust that it's supposed to be there, and that you can get through it. Stick to your guns. Let the universe show you what happens when you make room for what you want.
And if your wardrobe needs help... trust me when I say this... call Caroline.